Monday, April 14, 2008
Thursday, March 06, 2008
My Wicked Ways
So dear reader it appears my wicked ways have finally caught up with me - I spent the better part of yesterday morning in the hospital. What for you ask, well it seems I may have developed an ulcer. Honestly, I was scared as my mother died of Liver cancer when I was 4 and was about my age when she died. For the last 6 months or so everytime I would get a pain in my stomach I would just deal with it, as part of me was too scared to find out what was wrong. Anyway, the doctor comes in and says, "you're done" I ask what do you mean and he says again, "you're done, you can never drink again" (I think I need a 2nd opinion), but the doctors says I can do the occasional drink and he goes I do mean occasional, so basically when they do a toast at a wedding and everyone takes a sip of champagne, well that will be me.
Now here is the funny part - I am registering at the hospital and they ask for an emergency contact and I realized I dont really have one; my dad is in Florida my sister is in Paris so that basically leaves my ex-wife, how's that for irony or is that poetic justice?
Personally: work is going very well and I honestly couldnt be happier with the company and the people i work with; interesting when you have no drama how enjoyable everything around you is. On the dating front my trophy girl and i split up that same week I did the xmas post;
So I jumped back on Match.com and in less than a week i met a great girl named Terri age 35 an executive (that's her pic above)- interesting girl she had a 10 date rule (yes that means what you think it does). Another dating experience that lasted only a month, I have been single now for almost the last 2 months; Taking a break for a while - I need a rest. Well that's not entirely accurate, just taking a break from having a girlfriend but not from having company :)
Enclosed is Chapter 2 of the book as well:
Chapter 2: Here we go – Nobody defines you but you
I choose to sign up for Match.com because my friend Michael was on Match and constantly raved about how many beautiful women on the site and the many that he had shagged. After reviewing the site myself I had noticed that there were many more attractive women then there were decent looking guys – so I reasoned that finding an attractive woman was going to be easy. My friend Mike is 44, in good shape, good career etc., but swears he will never get married again. Mike constantly meets these great women on Match.com, they then fall for him, but he then dumps them because they get too close. This happens time and time again and he wonders why they don’t understand that he doesn’t want to get serious, hmm perhaps if he told the women upfront - look this is going to be sex and good times for about two to four months but then I am going to kick your ass to the curb then I think they might understand. But women don’t want the truth, they can’t handle the truth.
With this in mind and not really sure what I was looking for – My friend Joanne and I uploaded my pictures, made my profile and I began my search.
Guys – this is another reality check when you upload pictures and write your profile, you should then have a female friend look it over – ask for honest feedback. If you let your buddies do it then that picture of you funneling beers will end up on your profile- while this seems like a good idea at the time because you’re being honest – WOMEN DO NOT WANT HONESTY – women think they do but they don’t at least not in the beginning and actually they never really want you to be truly honest and open up about your feelings. Why, because then they realize you aren’t as strong and or as confidant 24x7 – yes ladies we need our down time and when we share that doesn’t make us weak it just means we need to share. But, on some weird level women view sharing as weakness, deep down women always want their man to be strong and in charge.
Let’s discuss the profile as this can be a tricky situation as well. What information can you put into a 500 word description that brings across sincerity, honesty and looking for relationship while in the back of your mind you’re really thinking man I hope I get laid from doing this and if I meet a nice girl and we have a relationship well then that is just a bonus. Guys you want to make the profile long enough so it looks like you have somewhat of a life and that you had put some thought into the whole description of a perfect mate. But god forbid if you make your description too long you will look needy and full of issues – meaning if you can’t describe what you’re looking for in a women 2-3 paragraphs then you have issues. No really you do, think about it we all know what we want – some like blonds, some like brunettes some like skinny others like curvy – remember you need to specialize unless you’re looking to spread a wide net and see what you catch. Me on the other hand I prefer blonds (really you don’t say) I like athletic/skinny blonds that have their act together and are somewhat normal. Now ladies as I mentioned in my profile all guys say they want women that are normal. But the reality is that we all know that there is some guy out there that did a number on you, or you still pine away for someone or you have some guy lurking the stable just waiting to be called up to bat. We as guys know this and will do everything in our power to make you forget about him or if we can, we want to end up in the stable as well. We think of that a sense of accomplishment – sort of like well it didn’t work out but let the next guy deal with it as I am in the stable for whenever she needs a booty call.
I now felt like a kid in a candy store – I mean look at all these women, all looking for someone, this was going to fun and easy. I get to meet great women in a short period of time, go on lots of dates, get laid, have a relationship and get on with my life – or so I thought. The reality was to be far different from what I had imagined.
So with my picture posted and my profile approved let the emails and winks began. In a very short period of time I was inundated with winks and emails. Dozens upon dozens of winks and emails – my ego was flying high. I am the man or at least I thought I was. Next thing I knew match.com was turning into a full time job I was receiving email after email and my profile views were fast approaching a 1000 views just in the first couple of weeks. Undaunted, I began to go out on my dates – the following are not only my stories, but several other friends as well. As I previously mentioned the names have been changed to protect the guilty (not).
Now hold on Dave you mean I just post a profile and a picture and the women will beat a path to my door – yes my friend that is the truth for I speak with the experience of oh about several months and this is being an old timer on the dating site.
Now here is the funny part - I am registering at the hospital and they ask for an emergency contact and I realized I dont really have one; my dad is in Florida my sister is in Paris so that basically leaves my ex-wife, how's that for irony or is that poetic justice?
Personally: work is going very well and I honestly couldnt be happier with the company and the people i work with; interesting when you have no drama how enjoyable everything around you is. On the dating front my trophy girl and i split up that same week I did the xmas post;
So I jumped back on Match.com and in less than a week i met a great girl named Terri age 35 an executive (that's her pic above)- interesting girl she had a 10 date rule (yes that means what you think it does). Another dating experience that lasted only a month, I have been single now for almost the last 2 months; Taking a break for a while - I need a rest. Well that's not entirely accurate, just taking a break from having a girlfriend but not from having company :)
Enclosed is Chapter 2 of the book as well:
Chapter 2: Here we go – Nobody defines you but you
I choose to sign up for Match.com because my friend Michael was on Match and constantly raved about how many beautiful women on the site and the many that he had shagged. After reviewing the site myself I had noticed that there were many more attractive women then there were decent looking guys – so I reasoned that finding an attractive woman was going to be easy. My friend Mike is 44, in good shape, good career etc., but swears he will never get married again. Mike constantly meets these great women on Match.com, they then fall for him, but he then dumps them because they get too close. This happens time and time again and he wonders why they don’t understand that he doesn’t want to get serious, hmm perhaps if he told the women upfront - look this is going to be sex and good times for about two to four months but then I am going to kick your ass to the curb then I think they might understand. But women don’t want the truth, they can’t handle the truth.
With this in mind and not really sure what I was looking for – My friend Joanne and I uploaded my pictures, made my profile and I began my search.
Guys – this is another reality check when you upload pictures and write your profile, you should then have a female friend look it over – ask for honest feedback. If you let your buddies do it then that picture of you funneling beers will end up on your profile- while this seems like a good idea at the time because you’re being honest – WOMEN DO NOT WANT HONESTY – women think they do but they don’t at least not in the beginning and actually they never really want you to be truly honest and open up about your feelings. Why, because then they realize you aren’t as strong and or as confidant 24x7 – yes ladies we need our down time and when we share that doesn’t make us weak it just means we need to share. But, on some weird level women view sharing as weakness, deep down women always want their man to be strong and in charge.
Let’s discuss the profile as this can be a tricky situation as well. What information can you put into a 500 word description that brings across sincerity, honesty and looking for relationship while in the back of your mind you’re really thinking man I hope I get laid from doing this and if I meet a nice girl and we have a relationship well then that is just a bonus. Guys you want to make the profile long enough so it looks like you have somewhat of a life and that you had put some thought into the whole description of a perfect mate. But god forbid if you make your description too long you will look needy and full of issues – meaning if you can’t describe what you’re looking for in a women 2-3 paragraphs then you have issues. No really you do, think about it we all know what we want – some like blonds, some like brunettes some like skinny others like curvy – remember you need to specialize unless you’re looking to spread a wide net and see what you catch. Me on the other hand I prefer blonds (really you don’t say) I like athletic/skinny blonds that have their act together and are somewhat normal. Now ladies as I mentioned in my profile all guys say they want women that are normal. But the reality is that we all know that there is some guy out there that did a number on you, or you still pine away for someone or you have some guy lurking the stable just waiting to be called up to bat. We as guys know this and will do everything in our power to make you forget about him or if we can, we want to end up in the stable as well. We think of that a sense of accomplishment – sort of like well it didn’t work out but let the next guy deal with it as I am in the stable for whenever she needs a booty call.
I now felt like a kid in a candy store – I mean look at all these women, all looking for someone, this was going to fun and easy. I get to meet great women in a short period of time, go on lots of dates, get laid, have a relationship and get on with my life – or so I thought. The reality was to be far different from what I had imagined.
So with my picture posted and my profile approved let the emails and winks began. In a very short period of time I was inundated with winks and emails. Dozens upon dozens of winks and emails – my ego was flying high. I am the man or at least I thought I was. Next thing I knew match.com was turning into a full time job I was receiving email after email and my profile views were fast approaching a 1000 views just in the first couple of weeks. Undaunted, I began to go out on my dates – the following are not only my stories, but several other friends as well. As I previously mentioned the names have been changed to protect the guilty (not).
Now hold on Dave you mean I just post a profile and a picture and the women will beat a path to my door – yes my friend that is the truth for I speak with the experience of oh about several months and this is being an old timer on the dating site.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Rock and Roll
So dear reader we are going to start putting dating stories in, as I have gotten many requests from friends etc., to share my stories from Match.com. I was going to write a book but everyone and their brother thinks they have something special to say about match - when in reality we all have the same collective stories just the names and faces are different. Now it is in book form as I had started to write one a while back, so you will see it chapter form. As this book was started a while ago so some of it may seem dated - but I will also be posting current events as well, thanks.
Dedication:
This book is dedicated to my two sons Devon and Michael – may you find your true love and live happily ever after.
Foreword:
I would like to thank my two ex-wives Amy and Kristin for whom without them this book would have never have come to pass. They dealt with me thru my highs and my lows and ultimately our divorces and yet we still manage.
I would also like to thank Julie G. (that's a picture of her to the right) and the fond memories of our relationship. As she was my first real relationship after my 2nd divorce and was the inspiration for this book. Thank god she broke up with me and crushed my heart as I needed to get a post divorce relationship under my belt and get out on the dating scene.
I would like to thank my father for reminding me the glass is always half full and no matter what the sun will still rise tomorrow.
And lastly I would like to thank the online dating site Match.com and the many women whom I was fortunate to meet and often shag and be able to tell these stories along with my personal meet and greet stories – the good the bad and the ugly - I have changed the names, dates places etc., to protect the guilty. (not really but I had to put a disclaimer)
My life experiences in this book and observations are based from my 2nd divorce moving forward and not only discuss my dating experiences but my life experiences during this time as well. These are true experiences with little to no liberties taken with the actual stories, except the names have been changed sometimes to protect the guilty.
My opening email line to my online dates:
Subject: Up for a drink
Body of email:
How’s your schedule for a drink,
Dave,
(Some of you are wondering is that all it takes –YES my friends – this is all it took for me to get a date)
My actual online personal ad (subject to change):
About me and what I'm looking for
Let's meet for cocktails and see if the chemistry is there. Me: In shape and driven but also know when to relax on the beach and enjoy life. I enjoy all sorts of activities including skiing, golf, tennis, boating, auto racing, football, traveling and BBQ's. If your interest has been piqued, send me a note about you and a photo. I am looking for a woman who is fun and driven but doesn't take life too seriously. You: attractive, normal (whatever that means - all guys say that), personable, grounded, has passion, and is smart in a quick-witted way. If this sounds like a match drop me a line and we can meet for drinks etc.,
Chapter 1: The Beginning
Slept alone last night, more so by choice than anything – at least that is what I am telling myself. The phone rang at midnight last night- half awake I looked over from the bed, grabbed my cell phone and decided to let it go to voice mail. It was a Match.com girl letting me know she was out on the prowl and looking for me. Yet I lay in bed and longed for the girl I miss (Julie G. more on her later)– but do I miss the girl or do I miss the daily conversation or do I miss what I remember the relationship to be. Strange to be back out in the world of single-hood: now newly single and in my late 30’s, two divorces, two kids – mortgage, car payments, rent, daycare, child support on and on. Was this were I had expected my life to be? I think deep down in some ways I always knew I would end up being single again.
Well my friends let me share with you the back story. As we all know without a basis to start, going forward will have no meaning.
But hold on before we get started let me share with you my opinion on marriage, relationships and single-hood – I honestly think marriage is a wonderful and a beautiful thing. With the exception of people that get married before they are 30 – what do I mean? I mean get your 20’s out of your system before you decide to settle down, go shag, go drink, go party -otherwise either you or your partner will wonder what they missed. As everyone always thinks the grass is greener on the other side – but the reality is IT ISN’T. But the problem is most people don’t realize how good they had it till after they have lost what was once dear to them and if you do get them back it is never going to be the same again. When you are single you want a partner, when you are married you wonder what it would be like to have the freedom to do what you want when you want. The reality is, being single is great all day long except for when you go to bed and when you wake up in the morning. Waking up alone and going to bed alone is lonely, trust me when you reach out to the other side of the bed and no one is there…what fun is that. When you have no one to share the paper with and a talk over a cup a coffee…what fun is that. When you have to call one of your men or women out from your “stable” to do a booty call that isn’t fulfilling – sure it feels good for the moment, but it leaves you feeling empty inside. If you are with someone who doesn’t make you happy then find someone who does and live happily ever after – don’t spend your life wishing for someone else’s life – live your life and enjoy it
And now on with the story, it was about a year ago late spring 2005 (Happy Birthday Dave- my birthday is in June) that my lovely bride turned to me and said I want a divorce. It was a long time coming; we had grown apart and were too far down the path to turn it around. Me, I had decided a while ago that going out and partying with my friends was more important and fun than spending time with my wife. She – well she had decided that our son was all that mattered and poured herself into our son and I was second inline – not that I didn’t understand but when you have scheduled sex you are on a slippery slope to divorce. Scheduled sex what’s that my friends you ask – that is every Friday night you get to have sex– get in get out get off – and if you missed Friday night well then you couldn’t have sex till next Friday.
As this played out week after week, it became apparent that I resented her and she resented me and there was nothing to do but move on with our lives. We then spent that summer of 2005 playing nice in front of our friends and family and pretending all was right in the world. Slowly but surely the more we lived together the more we were driving each other nuts, we had to separate otherwise we were going to kill each other.
The divorce was official at the end of winter 2006 and I moved out the house early spring of 2006 into my small but nice 1 bedroom apartment. Not a bad place – good neighborhood, tree lined street, close to the grocery stores, and restaurants. The apartment has a walk in closet, washer/dryer, dishwasher etc. but coming from a house with a basement and a backyard and then ending up back in an apartment wasn’t how I pictured my life at this stage. But then again how many of us are where we pictured ourselves at this age – if you are where you expected to be then I commend you. As I realize now that my life is a constant work in progress and every time I think I have some insight into the big picture, I am reminded to sit back relax and affect what I can and let the rest play out.
They day had arrived for my new furniture to be delivered – The bachelor pad was beginning to come together. I had chosen a tasteful burgundy colored couch and love seat- hardwood coffee table; and of course the 46 inch flat screen TV. The Ikea dishes that I have had since I was 23 and have carried with me from marriage to marriage had now been put away in the stark white cupboard. The computer was now set up in a small corner of the apartment and the bedroom was ready to go. I had chosen to order a full size bed not realizing or not anticipating that I would be sharing my bed. (Guys, a small point of reality – what ever size apartment you think you need – it is too small. Take into account your personal life - your children, family, friends, girlfriends, etc.)
As I unpacked my personal belongings and hung the pictures on the walls, each item brought back a memory of a time and place – how many of those were happy memories’ or was that just how I wanted to picture them to be. It is funny how when you look back you can make things seem not as bad as they really were – one can always rationalize their life into explanations and excuses.
I was now prepared or at least I thought I was to go back out into the dating world.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Xmas is upon us
Wow - what a year, I honestly cant believe it has been almost a year since I last posted; So much has happened that it would take pages to write it all down.
A brief synopsis:
Dating - yes - anyone special - I guess define special; have nice trophy girlfriend but I must be maturing as it is getting a little old and honestly it would be nice to have girlfriend around my age instead of one that is few years older than my oldest son Michael; for those of you counting she is 27, she drinks a bit too much, but I overlook that everytime I see her naked. That's a pic of the two of us above.
Work - I have been working a good opportunity with a tech company out of silicon valley - covering NY area, so little to no travel, which is nice - no overnights, no planes and no 1000 miles a week on the car. They are hopefully going public this spring and I actually think i will make something off of the shares they have given me - I think it has been several years since a tech company stock I received will actually be worth something :) .
Life - well I had to put the college thing on hold - it was costing a lot and I need to put my financial resources in either areas - on a positive note I have been on Deans list since I started so when i get back into it hopefully this spring I restart on a positive note. I tell you the math part was so freakin hard, think about it it has been almost 20 years since I had to do algebra, calculus etc., and I struggled to get thru it.
Devon - he is doing great, he is happy and healthy and appears to be a normal child, all is good except now he wants to know why mommy and daddy cant have a house together and be a family, he doesn't understand. And honestly it is a little bit sad that he will never know his parents or never experience his parents living under the same roof - let alone really getting along.
But honestly do ex's ever really get along, I mean sure you tolerate each other, but in the end it is sort like North and South Korea - a tenuous fragile peace which can easily be broken by either party depending on ones actions.
All in all I would have to say life has been moving fairly fast I cant believe I am 40 and my oldest son is 22 and my youngest son is 4 - what an interesting ride it has been and will continue to be.
Well dear reader and with this I close this post; I wish you all the best holiday and New Years and may your 2008 be your best year yet.
Chase This!
Sunday, January 07, 2007
A long time coming
in this day of possibilities I guess I should catch you up on whats been going on - sorry it has been almost a year since I have posted somehow life and everything got in the way.
1. The wife and I are divorced, that's a picture of her.
2. I have my own apartment and it is nice - small but nice has all the comforts of home. yes, it is a little sad to come home to - but honestly I am happy so the apartment isnt really a big deal to me.
3. I have been dating - doing the match thing and the eharmony thing - but havent really found anyone special - dont get me wrong I 've had 2-3 decent girlfriend thru 06' but nothing that lasted - dated this one girl named Kristin (yes another Kristin) and was really diggin her but we didnt work out, funny thing is she is now in my stable (or am I in hers?) and calls me all the time to come over for booty calls meaning I service her and then go on my way -man life is strange- and I cant tell you how any dates and one/two night stands. But, I guess my heart just isn't into it.
I met a girl while skiing at Stratton who's name is Kristin Marie (left out last name) (that is my exwifes first and middle name) and born almost on the same day as my ex wife but a year younger -How strange is that. That's a pic of us below;
4. My sons are doing well and they are happy and healthy - I have noticed my little guy is starting to realize that his parents aren't together and I think it is starting to bug him.
5. I start college at Devry on Monday and it should take about a year and half to get/finish my degree and then I think I am going off to law school - we shall see.
6. regarding the personal issue that area has gotten completely straightened out and I look forward to every day that life has to offer - it is interesting how once you have a clear head how little drama there is in life.
well dear reader i have tried to get you caught up with everything and i am sure I have left a bunch of things out, but I will try and keep this blog and you more up to date - with that I wish you all the best and Chase This!
Dave,
1. The wife and I are divorced, that's a picture of her.
2. I have my own apartment and it is nice - small but nice has all the comforts of home. yes, it is a little sad to come home to - but honestly I am happy so the apartment isnt really a big deal to me.
3. I have been dating - doing the match thing and the eharmony thing - but havent really found anyone special - dont get me wrong I 've had 2-3 decent girlfriend thru 06' but nothing that lasted - dated this one girl named Kristin (yes another Kristin) and was really diggin her but we didnt work out, funny thing is she is now in my stable (or am I in hers?) and calls me all the time to come over for booty calls meaning I service her and then go on my way -man life is strange- and I cant tell you how any dates and one/two night stands. But, I guess my heart just isn't into it.
I met a girl while skiing at Stratton who's name is Kristin Marie (left out last name) (that is my exwifes first and middle name) and born almost on the same day as my ex wife but a year younger -How strange is that. That's a pic of us below;
4. My sons are doing well and they are happy and healthy - I have noticed my little guy is starting to realize that his parents aren't together and I think it is starting to bug him.
5. I start college at Devry on Monday and it should take about a year and half to get/finish my degree and then I think I am going off to law school - we shall see.
6. regarding the personal issue that area has gotten completely straightened out and I look forward to every day that life has to offer - it is interesting how once you have a clear head how little drama there is in life.
well dear reader i have tried to get you caught up with everything and i am sure I have left a bunch of things out, but I will try and keep this blog and you more up to date - with that I wish you all the best and Chase This!
Dave,
Friday, January 20, 2006
Quasi Happiness
What is happiness- I read an interesting piece today about patience- I have realized that I have now gotten comfortable in my skin. I feel as if I have spent the last decades fighting against myself- trying to prove something when all along I had the answer. Dear reader I would tell you what that is but for each person it is different-(yea I know a little deep) I don't think I have ever been more at peace with myself and my desire to move forward with life- I realized that I was fighting myself and I wasn't getting anywhere- always jumping from job to job, women to women party to party and always searching.
I am amazed what a difference a month makes- granted the divorce is still going thru and it breaks my heart, but to be honest my wife and I get along better now then the last 4 yours we were married. It is a shame too little too late. Perhaps things will work if not she will make someone very happy as they will be getting a great woman. I have realized all the great little things she does - she bakes amazing, and is beautiful inside and out- I do wish she believed in herself as much as I believe in her. But that is a story for another time.
otherwise things are good- it is amazing how little drama there is now that I have come to my senses and I wonder where I would be in life if I had figured this out 20 years ago. Well dear reader I am sorry for the delay in posting and will try and maintain this blog better- till next time -
Chase This!
I am amazed what a difference a month makes- granted the divorce is still going thru and it breaks my heart, but to be honest my wife and I get along better now then the last 4 yours we were married. It is a shame too little too late. Perhaps things will work if not she will make someone very happy as they will be getting a great woman. I have realized all the great little things she does - she bakes amazing, and is beautiful inside and out- I do wish she believed in herself as much as I believe in her. But that is a story for another time.
otherwise things are good- it is amazing how little drama there is now that I have come to my senses and I wonder where I would be in life if I had figured this out 20 years ago. Well dear reader I am sorry for the delay in posting and will try and maintain this blog better- till next time -
Chase This!
Friday, December 16, 2005
Another Day
I actually have my first class tonight at GH- and yes I am apprehensive- but to be honest with you I am looking forward to it. I have a dentist appt today and I just cant seem to get excited about it-but are you really supposed to be excited about a dentist appointment anyway. Oh well- kind of a blah day- but I tell you one thing money is starting to get tight and things are really going to come down to the wire come the end of the year, but if I have to I can liquidate my retirement which I do not want to do. So other than that I am off to phoenix as you know on Sunday- I cant wait to get out of here and go and learn something- I am so bored sitting around the house it is driving my nuts- as I fill my day watching TV because I have to come to the library to use the computer because I don't have one at home.
Things with Kris are tolerable but are slowly sliding away I get the distinct feeling she has moved on mentally, emotionally and who know perhaps physically ( I know what your thinking) but ever have that gut feeling and I am not being paranoid- I honestly think it is someone from her office. I don't have proof but it is just a feeling. I guess though that it is to be expected with the way I treated her for the last 5 years- I am sure her mother and sister would like to see her move on and they probably are nothing doing anything to dissuade her.
Things personally are getting slowly better- day by day- as they say. and professionally I am taking the steps into the right direction. But as usual dear reader I will keep you updated, and with Chase This! (have a great day)
Things with Kris are tolerable but are slowly sliding away I get the distinct feeling she has moved on mentally, emotionally and who know perhaps physically ( I know what your thinking) but ever have that gut feeling and I am not being paranoid- I honestly think it is someone from her office. I don't have proof but it is just a feeling. I guess though that it is to be expected with the way I treated her for the last 5 years- I am sure her mother and sister would like to see her move on and they probably are nothing doing anything to dissuade her.
Things personally are getting slowly better- day by day- as they say. and professionally I am taking the steps into the right direction. But as usual dear reader I will keep you updated, and with Chase This! (have a great day)
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