Another Day

I actually have my first class tonight at GH- and yes I am apprehensive- but to be honest with you I am looking forward to it. I have a dentist appt today and I just cant seem to get excited about it-but are you really supposed to be excited about a dentist appointment anyway. Oh well- kind of a blah day- but I tell you one thing money is starting to get tight and things are really going to come down to the wire come the end of the year, but if I have to I can liquidate my retirement which I do not want to do. So other than that I am off to phoenix as you know on Sunday- I cant wait to get out of here and go and learn something- I am so bored sitting around the house it is driving my nuts- as I fill my day watching TV because I have to come to the library to use the computer because I don't have one at home.
Things with Kris are tolerable but are slowly sliding away I get the distinct feeling she has moved on mentally, emotionally and who know perhaps physically ( I know what your thinking) but ever have that gut feeling and I am not being paranoid- I honestly think it is someone from her office. I don't have proof but it is just a feeling. I guess though that it is to be expected with the way I treated her for the last 5 years- I am sure her mother and sister would like to see her move on and they probably are nothing doing anything to dissuade her.
Things personally are getting slowly better- day by day- as they say. and professionally I am taking the steps into the right direction. But as usual dear reader I will keep you updated, and with Chase This! (have a great day)

Choices

Today I went to GH and enrolled-I start on Friday night- funny how when faced with the reality of following thru how anxious one can get. You see when you have choices and I mean real choices in life to make they are never easy. Sure what to eat for dinner isn't real a choice that is a preference. But do I quit my job and go off on my own- or do I stay married and put the time and effort in to make it work or do I go off and run away and start over- those are real life choices.

I wanted to let you know dear reader that for now I took the job in AZ, working out of the house in CT- I needed the money- which leads me to the next thing I went thru training for selling health insurance and they give leads etc., and I have geared up to sell it-but I cant seem to get started and do you want to know why- IT IS BECAUSE I AM SCARED- scared you say- yes scared of everything- failure, being on my own, financial responsibility etc., I cant seem to get past that fact and it has immobilized me to not take action, and that dear reader takes us back to choices - the choice to take a chance. At this stage of my life I don't know if my self esteem and my wits can get me to make the choice to go off on my own business. I am so frightened of failure that I have reached a point of no action. What's that Dave your scared- yep I look back over my life and the choices I have made and what could have been etc., and I realize that I have wasted my life- aside from my sons- I didn't fufill my obligations in marriage, my work obligations, nor my own personal obligations. I wonder a lot lately of what could have been- and I know I cant turn back the clock and that I can only move forward- but as I sit in the library writing this blog- and I see the weathered books the weathered desks and the weathered librarians I wonder if this is how life is going to be- always wondering if this is it- why cant I be happy???- why do I need to find my place, is it because I have never found it? and with that dear reader I leave with -Choices- we all have them and it is those with the courage to make the choices they succeed and right now I am frozen with inaction professionally - till next time -Chase This!

Absurd

The day has started with endless possibilities I honestly feel like I am on the winning team. Do you want to know what did it after all was said and done what really has me motivated to succeed is a book called a Million little pieces- and in the whole book nothing got me motivated until and I am not kidding here literally the last sentence when you find out how the author is doing. The other thing is I am reading a book by Joel Osteen the preacher and there was one passage that hit home- instead of saying why me and god can you help me etc- attack your problem with I have god on my side and no matter what problem comes along god and me can overcome it- So now I recite a passage of success in the morning to get my day started and together we take on what life has and will throw at us/me.
Things with the wife are tenuous at best- I would like her to hold off for 3 months to give this thing a shot and perhaps go thru some sort of counseling together- it is funny she is willing to go to meetings with her friends but when I ask her to go to meetings with me she hesitates- it is almost as if she doesn't want to confront the issue as then either A. She will understand it, or B. Perhaps it isn't the real issue with the marriage perhaps it is something else.- that was an interesting realization- what if this is her crutch for ending the marriage what if there was really something else- I am not talking about another man in her life but perhaps she just fell out of love and doesn't have the guts to tell me honestly- who knows-maybe I'll ask and we shall see.

Well in the day of reckoning hang on tight and believe as I walk thru the valley of death I shall fear no evil- and with that dear reader- Chase This!