Die Tryin'

It was funny I thought as I stepped out the door and realized what a shitty looking day about how the day can really set the tone for your mood.

Spent my first day as an Medicare part d enroller- what a tedious day- enrolled one person and answered 50 questions from 20 different people. Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day for enrollment- As I spent the day in the pharmacy listening the ranting of Betsy, an 80 year old cashier behind the counter with the look of aunt bea mixed in with a little bit trucker, she went on and on about how bad Bush was as president- this was of course in between her insane knowledge of all things sport and picking her teeth with a subscription card from an FHM magazine- I wondered to myself if this was one of the tricks that life plays on you- a test per se- lets see if Dave can go screaming stark raving mad into the street- oh we didn't get him today lets see what we can whip up for him tomorrow.

I read an article today about ambition it said those with goals and no energy and those with energy and no goals have good intentions but never go anywhere- but the article went on to state that ambition can come along at any age, in that it takes the right spark or the right passion about something to ignite that combination of goals and energy. I thought that was interesting - as I looked back over my life and my career and tried to recall when and what I was passionate about.
Perhaps and I know this is true I haven't been passionate career wise in a long long time- I think about all of those stupid MLM's I tried - had all the best intentions but no energy/drive to follow thru- what will it take. How many jobs must I cycle thru and/or when will I get the guts to be the person in life I know I can be?
I look at my soon to be ex wife and I think what should have been if I hadn't been so selfish and screwed it up- I mean how is it that I can still be so in love with her but yet pass each other like two ships in the night- knowing that the majority of the screw up was my fault. Everyone tells me to move on- but honestly I don't know if I can anytime soon as I am still in love with her- but I think and I am pretty sure she has moved on and no matter what this is over. that was deep) yea I know next subject.
I have some great interviews coming up looking forward to knocking them out of the park- but do I really care or is this just another stop gap on my passionless career- any thoughts?
well dear reader till next time, Chase This!
Later,
Dave,
P.S. you know I am finding this blog/diary very carthartic